Match the Job to the Person | Lineup | Cut
November 20, 2019
– Okay, give me a good spin. (laughter)
(applause) Help, my house is on fire! Yeah, Brittany’s a firefighter, for sure. (“In the Hall of the Mountain
King” by Edvard Grieg) – Hi, I’m Timmy Rogar, I’m a
drag queen and a bartender. – My name is Alex Alexander. – I’m Ilah Dizon. – I am Crystal Reed,
and I work here at Cut. – I fucking love what I do. Totally, I can’t imagine a
dumber way to make money. – I’m doing some sort of guessing? – Okay, am I gonna have
like, a list to choose from? – Oh, really? Wow, porn producer? – Bounty hunter? Horse listener? – Is this real? Some of these jobs I
didn’t know were real jobs. – Alright, do you wanna come up first? – Nice to meet you. – Great meeting you. – That’s a good handshake.
– Thank you. – Do you shake a lot of hands at work? – I do. – Give me one more good one, okay. – Can I touch you? – Yeah, you sure can. – Okay, do you feel okay? – I’m okay with it.
– Okay. – Wait, let me see your fingers. No you can’t be the firefighter. – I really just want to
get rid of tarot reader. I don’t know what that is. – You know like the psychics. – How do you feel about God? – Uh, he’s a cool guy. – Can you sing like a gospel thing? I’ll give you a beat, go ahead. – (clapping) I’m sorry I can’t sing. I don’t…
– Okay. – I’m going with pastor,
I feel good about pastor. – Because you failed all the tests, I think you’re,
(laughter) I think you’re a software engineer. – Oh man, so this is literally just what you’re labeled as forever now. – I know, man. – Okay, next. Oh, you’re definitely a horse listener, because you look like you’re from nature. – Aww. – Maybe she might be the
porn producer (laughs). – No it’s not, it’s just like, it’s versus what I would have thought, y’know like a heavier set
guy who breathes heavy like, (breathes heavily)
(laughter) – Do you like what you do? – I love what I do. – I want you to do a little
motion of like brushing a horse. (laughter)
– Okay, okay, not very good. – Have you ever ridden a horse before? – I have. – You’re a horse listener, for sure. – We’ll go with ER nurse. – She’s probably the
firefighter isn’t she, probably. – Do you work with a lot of people? – Yes. – Do you like people? – Some. – Do you know CPR? – I am certified in CPR. – What’s your favorite porn genre? – Anime. – Right on. – I feel like maybe
you’re a porn producer, this is the trick.
(laughter) This is the trick. – What’s your favorite book? – I like to read reference,
so like studying new topics. – You’re hard, I think you
– That’s what she said. (laughter) – That’s a good one, okay she’s
definitely a porn producer. – Can I go with software engineer? – I’m gonna go tarot reader. I still barely know what it is. I’m gonna go tarot reader, for sure. – Okay, ooh, (hisses) – Wait, before, you have to judge. – Okay.
(laughter) Teach me your ways with makeup, oh my god. (sniffing) – You smell neutral, I smell nothing. – Because you have good style, I would say you’re a bartender. – I think I want to go with ER nurse. – How come? – ‘Cause everything else is
like, it would kinda make sense, I think that’s like the most
thing that I wouldn’t expect. – You’re wearing lots of crystals. I’m gonna go with tarot reader. – Deal. – Hello, fellow Asian. (laughter) – What’s your favorite porn genre? – I don’t watch porn,
– Oh wait yeah. – But I have seen two girls
and one cup, and that was… (laughter)
(clapping) – Oh my god, I don’t know, I was, I’m starting to question whether or not you’re the pastor and now I’m like, no! – Do you have long hours?
– Yes. – Are you tired? – Yes, stressed.
– Constantly? Definitely ER nurse. – You’ve got riding boots, gorgeous ombre. Wendy the horse whisperer, listener. – Hello.
– Hello. – You seem very friendly. – I’m friendly. – And you got like that
badass, like Denzel’s like brother kind of thing going on. (laughter) – Can you drop and give me five? Okay, can I sit on you?
– Let’s go. (laughter) – Ready?
– I’m ready (screams) Okay, okay, okay. – Pretend like you’re
trying to bounty hunt me, and like I’m trying to run away. Try to get me. (laughter) – No, I’m still going with bounty hunter, you got that calm, cold, collected. – I’ll take it. – Imma go firefighter. – So doing pushups with somebody on my back makes me a firefighter? – Look, it’s not a perfect science, look. (laughter) – Congrats,
– Yeah. – I hope you like your job. – Oh, you look intimidating. – Thank you.
(laughter) – I forgot what that’s called. – It’s a bolo. – [Interviewer] Does that mean anything? – Yes, bounty hunter. (laughter) – (hissing)
(humming) I wish I wouldn’t have gave away pastor. – I went to a Christian college. – What did you study? – Psychology. – What’s the longest
shift you’ve ever worked? – 36 hours.
– Yeah. Brittany’s a firefighter. Do you want to twirl me? (laughter)
(applause) Help, my house is on fire! – I’m gonna go bartender now. – Hello, I’m Sir Mark. – Hi, Sir Mark?
– Uh huh. I have titles of knighthood
in eight countries. – So like they did the… – Yeah.
– Huh. – Tell me about your sign and
how you feel about the moon. (laughter) – Well, I’m another air sign, Aquarian. – Okay. – And uh, I love the moon. – There’s only two things left. Bounty hunter and porn producer. You could be both of those,
man, you really could. (laughter) – Sir Mark’s a total bartender name, I could see you at like a
cute little hole in the wall, talking to people about their problems. – What does a bounty hunter do? – They get hired out to chase
people who have warrants. – Yep, you’re a bounty hunter. – You’re like really gorgeous. – That highlight is magical.
– Thanks. – Although, like your hair, I feel like is too long
to be a bounty hunter. – I could put it up in a bun. – There’s only one thing on the list left, so I’m not sure, it’s porn producer. And, you know what, I
think you could do that. – Do porn producers star in porn too? – How do you feel about vaginas? – Um, I mean, I like mine. – You’re stern, you look
like you get shit done. I’m gonna say you’re the porn producer. – Okay. – Aunjoli the porn producer. Would you book me?
(laughs) – I don’t feel good. – I think I got all of them wrong. – Yes. – I can? – You’re the bounty hunter,
and you’re the pastor. – Tarot reader, uh huh. – I’m gonna trade you two. – You know what, I want you two to switch. – You’re the pastor ’cause you had that whole knight situation happening. – Because no one suspects the hot lady to be in like software engineer, ’cause I don’t know, men apparently are the only ones in that industry. – I’m just gonna stop messing with it now. – Like two. – How many hands went up? (screams and laughs) – What?!
(laughter) Get out! – Okay, it’s like half. – (sighs) Alright. – This is like, an M. Night
Shyamalan movie right now. (laughter) – Okay, ’cause I got a lot of questions. (laughter) – Alright, mister pastor. – What kind of congregation do you… – Uh, it’s a Christian congregation. – Yeah, awesome. – Will you sing now? I know this song is like
(singing a tune and clapping) – [Both] ♪ Of my heart. ♪ ♪ I want to see you ♪ (clapping) ♪ I want to see you. ♪ – What made you want to be a pastor? – I was in high school
and I was just kinda going through like a depression, and the church kinda
helped me through that. – Yeah.
– And so, I figured, I want to help kids who are
going through the same stuff, so, yeah.
– Totally. Well, that’s awesome, good for you. (clapping) – When did you decide to be a firefighter? – I’ve been a firefighter
for about three years, so… – Okay. – What’s like the gender
balance where you work? – Uh, 4% of us are women nationwide. – That’s it? Wow.
– Yeah, so seven at my department, seven
women, and then about 130 men. – (sighs) Sounds like a dream come true. – Can you do the firefighter carry? – Maybe, I don’t know, I’m wearing heels. (screaming) – Probably just like that. (laughter) (applause) – So you’re a horse listener,
do you own your own horses or do you help people, or both? – Both!
– That makes sense. – But you listen to the horses? – Right. It’s less talking to the horse, and more listening to the
horse to have them tell me why they don’t fit into
the domestic world. – Did you have to get a degree for that? – I did an eight year internship with a world-renowned horse whisperer. – Horses are amazing. – They’re unicorns, you can only see their horns if you’re also magical. – I wanna hug you. (laughter) – Hi.
– Hi. So, the crystal didn’t mean anything? – It didn’t. – How old are you? – 23. – How are you already an ER nurse? – Well I got a really incredible scholarship to go to school,
– That’s so cool. – And otherwise I would
never have been able to. – When you go to work, do you wear this? – I don’t do full glam,
but I’m always on a lip. – Do you deal with any like issues with your queer identity at work? – Um, yeah I work in a
conservative healthcare system, and it’s really hard because
patients can be rude. – Even though you’re trying
to help them? They’re trash, not really.
– Even though I paid money to go to school.
– Like everybody else. – I just want to help them.
(laughter) – To be fighting that fight in places where it’s not easy is so brave. – Thank you.
– Thank you. – Hi.
– Hi. So you’re a software engineer?
– Mmhm. – Do you do like, game development or? – So we develop intermapping software, so it’s like Google Maps but indoors. – Can you find people with that? – No.
– Do you work for the government?
– No. (laughter)
– Just kidding. – Are there any like roadblocks
because of your gender? – Yeah, a little bit, but
you just have to speak up. – Mmhm.
– Yeah. – Bartender?!
– Yeah. – That totally makes sense. – You were like pretty cool, so maybe I should’ve guessed that. – You ever witness bad Tinder dates? – Every day at work.
(laughter) Every single day. – Do you enjoy it? Do you…
– I love it. – I love it too.
– It’s the best, it’s like a chef but with bottles, and you get to talk shit at the same time. – Yeah, exactly. – Bounty hunter!
– Yeah. – I got you right, you’re
the only one I got right. – Have you ever shot anybody?
– No. – Do you get to handcuff people on a regular basis?
– Yes. – Have you ever been in
a high speed car chase? – Yes. – Oh my gosh, do you wear disguises? – All the time. – Dude, that’s so scary because I would never see you coming. – Do people cry a lot
when you drag them away? – I’ve never had anybody not cry. – Really?
– Yes. Everybody always cries. – Do you know any other
female bounty hunters? – I do, I know a lot of
really good ones, yeah. – Well, thank you for your service. – Oh, appreciate it. – This is like a job fair. – Tarot reader, Sir Mark.
– Yeah. – I shoulda known with the name. – Wait, you told me
earlier that you are like a person of God,
– I am. – and in the Bible it says
you’re not allowed to like worship anything other than God. – There’s no worshipping of the
tarot or anything like that, it’s just a simple
scientific procedure which, each of the 78 cards reverberates
with a certain energy. If I have the clients choose the card, and it’s just like a
magnet, do-do-do-do-do. – Interesting.
– And it just, tells exactly what’s going on. – I really want a tarot
reading, like I really do. – Come on down to the shop. – I know right, I need to. – Oh! Yeah, you were like way
too hot to be like any… – But I’m not a porn star so… – Yeah, but you’re, you run the show.
– Right. – What do you do as a producer? – Basically, I make sure that
the people that are applying aren’t like underage,
– Yeah. – Have any like fraud stuff going on. – Do you work with PornHub? – I do, I do. – Number one channel.
– I uh, like monitor about 5,000
different live cam sites so, – Wow.
– that is our like main… – Do you make good money off of it? – Not as much as the performers, but yeah. – So yeah, is that like… – Pay-per-minute.
– Pay-per-minute? – So, anywhere from $1.99 a
minute to like $14.99 a minute. – Oh, you could, you can, they, yes. You should do it. Let’s talk after.
– I just got a new computer. – Oh (laughs)
– So… – What is the kinkiest
shit you’ve produced? – I’ve seen prolapsed assholes, so I’ve seen like
– Prolapsed? (vomiting) Oh my god, I say cover your ears pastor! (laughter) (applause) – Thanks for sharing, you guys. – Thank you guys, sorry that took so long. How did I not guess anyone
except for one person?